Wednesday, 2 February 2011

many jilted suitors desperate for recognition

Feedback to an employment agency for a job I applied for at Carphone Warehouse; sent today.

Hello

I recently applied for a job advertised through your organisation and I am very happy to report that the potential employer appears to have very stringent standards for its staff!

I was asked to attend an assessment on 20th January, which while at short notice I was happy to go along to.  On my arrival, excited as I was at an opportunity at the employer, the receptionist was fabulously in character! She was somewhat dismissive in her approach to greeting guests - so much so, after buzzing the main entrance door, I needed to wait for a staff member to leave to access reception. Nothing like that to keep a candidate on their toes.

Approaching the desk, I informed her that I was there for an assessment and introduced myself, to receive a reply announcing I wasn't "on the list".  With resigned acceptance only a production line worker could muster, I was instructed to fill out the visitor's book.  Only a cursory indication of the book was offered, which to be honest is a great first test of an applicant's ability - after all, they should already be aware of internal policies of their possible future employer.  On completing the next blank line, I was in a wonderfully chastising tone told I'd "filled it out wrong".  Then told to fill it out again "on the correct line".

Then I was directed to have a seat around the corner with "the others".  The others, who I discovered were other candidates, were very keen to show their individual prowess - one was particularly sure of himself, on my arrival asking aloud to the group "what do you think, Chief Executive material or call centre position?".  Which made me aware of the fact I had a suit and tie on, while the others were a little more casually dressed.  What a stroke of luck for the company to have someone apply who is perfectly suited to the company's policy in greeting a potential member of staff.

An actual member of staff conducting the assessment appeared, who wore the the now seemingly obligatory company uniform of resigned acceptance.  No introduction was offered of his name, but told us "there is an internal candidate on his way down" so we'll be waiting for him; and with that announcement, disappeared.  That is a stroke of genius - now all of the candidates will be aware of a person with an advantage - someone who will, most likely, get the job.  I was very impressed at this, as it was a totally unexpected means to instil that very same corporate image of resigned acceptance on us, the new recruits!

We waited, with a reward of another update of "he's in work today so shouldn't be too long", before a final announcement after about 20 minutes that the assessment will go ahead, but there was an additional person to the expected number so there wasn't room for us all to be "done together".  It was explained that the assessment was in two parts: a written test and a practical test.  Most of us were to sit the written part first, then move on to the practical. The test was to take thirty minutes and another master stroke of the unprofessional image was the spelling, a company involved in the telecommunications industry shouldn't be able to spell their favourite word 'tariffs' wrong, surely?  But, "tarriff's" it was, with various other uses of apostrophes in plurals and entire questions written in such vague terms that philosophers might organise symposiums to discuss their intricate meaning.

When the half-hour was up, we were again led back out, so the practical test could be set up ready for the second batch of candidates.  The gentleman reappeared and informed us that a computer had given up and one of us in the group needed to wait until the end.  Every other candidate immediately announced they had something better and more fruitful to do straight after this, and perhaps with that over bearing sense of resigned acceptance surrounding me, I offered that I'd wait until last.

Another half-hour passed and eventually invited back into the test room, I was given a half-hour to demonstrate my practical skill.  It is to be noted that at no point had I given my name, save for the introduction at reception, so this was perplexing as to how I might be graded if my examiner doesn't know who I am.  After the allotted time, I was led out and informed I'd hear from them soon, "should be in a few days, but probably next week", "either way".

A week passed and no contact.  Another few days passed and I began to wonder.  So I emailed the lady I'd originally applied to, only to be seemingly ignored.  I called the number, but, as many jilted suitors desperate for recognition might have done before me, I was to leave message after message to no avail.

This is why, therefore, I write to thank you for the experience of attempting to apply for a job with an employer you advertised.  I also would like to ask if you would in the future consider Carphone Warehouse a suitable customer for your clients, given their brilliant disregard for common courtesy, the English language and basic organisational skills.


I look forward to hearing your thoughts.



Regards




Barry Crosby

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

I feel ashamed and dirty about it

A post about Windows 7

I've been an ardent user of Debian, a linux distribution, for a long while.  This decision was backed up quite well when I was greeted at a job with a Windows Vista desktop.  Back to that in a little while, first - why the hell would I use linux in the first place?

Well, the main reason was that I'd been using Windows XP for a long while before that and had become fed up of the niggles that crept into annoyances, the annoyances that crept to unworkables, and the unworkables that crept to why the hell doesn't this pile of shit works.  I'd had a reasonable history with Debian, a linux distribution I'd had experience with from jobs at web-development companies; I discovered it was a snap to install and on the whole, it did what I was after.

I installed it permanently on my netbook (EeePC 1000) to replace a very hobbled XP install it came with - longer battery life, better security (somewhat through obscurity, I suspect) and free software were obvious advantages.  It did take some command-line jiggery-pokery to get all the features working as expected, but by jove, I got it all working and working it did, well.  Almost.  You see it had a few crazy oddities thrown in to keep me on my toes, like the fact it crashed randomly while connected to UCLan (my University) wireless access.  When I say crashed, it either threw a Kernel Panic, or locked up totally, running 100% CPU.  No rhyme or reason why, but I pretty much avoided being connected to the university network while working - kind of annoying, but made it that I could type up some lecture notes or do a bit of essay writing between lectures without entering the open access PC mêleé that happens here, so useful.  I put up with that situation because I hadn't paid for Debian - you expect mileage to vary in free, open source software.

Similarly, I installed Debian on my desktop, a dual core, dual screen set-up that ran like a dream - and while I got wireless working (wireless network adapters are almost always Windows-only devices) via some more aforementioned command-line jiggery-pokery, it all worked stunningly.  Except it was absolutely abysmal at playing full-screen video.  And online-banking was impractical as the nazi programmers at banks seem to check what operating system you are using and refuse you access.  Why it matters, I have no idea.  Anyway, I started using Windows 7 on the university machines and it was quite nippy, in comparison to my experience of Vista.  So I took the plunge and installed it on my desktop.

It took a while getting used to, it is now (almost) second-nature to double click an executable in order to install software, even though the first few attempts saw me open a command-line and type "su" followed by a return, my root password, with a return and "apt-get install.." before looking at the screen.  I liked the fact I can now use the BBC iPlayer App, to watch programmes when the TV is in use and I've rediscovered the joy of computer games.  Nothing eye-gouging HD, mainly games I last played back when I fell out with Windows XP: SimCity 4, Command And Conquer Generals to name two.  However, time-vampires these are, and I can't blame Windows 7 enough for making me take forever to complete essays over the Christmas break.

So, earlier this week, I installed Windows 7 Home Basic on my netbook, to see how it would run.  It was simple to install, all necessary devices worked "out-of-the-box" and I'm now connected to the UCLan wireless network without a single spazz-out.  Similarly, it's nippy,  light-weight feeling and manages "power-saving" better than I could get linux to do.  My extra function keys appear to be a lost cause, while I managed to get them to react, Windows 7 doesn't quite do what I expect them to.  Maybe a couple of hours forum-searching could solve this.  I'm avoiding installing too much as I don't need anything much on it, plus the after-market installed solid-state disk isn't epic.

Therefore, I, a former linux zealot and full-time Microsoft basher likes Windows 7.  I feel ashamed and dirty about it, so I presume I feel the same emotions as Nick Clegg et al should have experienced these last few months, but I'm convinced it's a good product.  I still remain to be convinced about Windows as a server platform, I'm out of the loop with all things system-administration, but as a desktop or netbook platform, Windows 7 works.

I'll go bleach myself now.

Monday, 29 November 2010

I'm in exile in my home country

I was meeting a friend in Preston City Centre, just after the EDL/UAF demonstrations ended.  I managed by accident to be swept along in a mass of EDL supporters, as I tried to walk up Church Street to meet a friend.  The abhorrent racist shouting, the all-surrounding threatening behaviour, the sea of balaclavas and the abject hooliganism can't be described in enough realism to anyone who hasn't witnessed it first-hand.

At first, I was a little scared - they were your typical football hooligan look-a-likes, some wearing hoodies proudly describing them members of a "division"; which was interesting as surely a movement with such belief in "English Defence" shouldn't need to be divided?  There was a massive Lancashire Constabulary presence and my fears, once I got out of the thick of it were abated.  Then I wanted to feel angry, wanted to vent and rage and make them see they were wrong.  But that didn't arrive; sadness did. I felt deflated.

In that moment I started to feel ashamed that I was born in the same country as these people.  The Britain I grew up believing in was fair, just and welcoming.  The England I grew up in was tolerant, liberal and secular.  These people weren't from my Britain, my England.  They singled out a large portion of English society for hatred under the guise that they were protecting English Christian values.  Moreover, it was thinly veiled under a wash of political demands for protection of the Justice System, but hatred was there all the same - I saw two men have chanted at them "Fuck off Pakis" and "Burn a Mosque".

That's the key here, the right wing groups like the English Defence League and British National Party have a knack, no matter how "fair" they wish to appear, to attract those in society who wish hatred on others.  In essence, these parties raise a patriotic emblem and ask that the traditional way of life is adhered to; which I'm sure Americans, with their Constitution, would have no problem with.  However, there are those in these parties who use their banner - borrowed from the nation - to spout abuse, hatred and violence on others; which isn't very patriotic at all.

Given the example I witnessed in Preston on Saturday, I'm not English.  I'm not British.  I'm in exile in my home country.  That's why I felt so sad.